Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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