I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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