Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
