why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
