if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
