we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
