ugly people sure do ruin things
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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