This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
