I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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