I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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