Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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