you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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