If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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