I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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