You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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