Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
