saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
