im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You can't special order awesome
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
