TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
