i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
