i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
