Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
