yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
