Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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