i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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