i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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