but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It's just like the Real World with babies
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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