Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
