So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
