I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
