Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
