He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
