We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
honey bunches of taint.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
