Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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