You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
