I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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