The maid of honor just puked.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
