I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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