I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
