my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
