So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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