I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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