Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
