all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
