I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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