it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
