Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
