i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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