Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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