you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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