if you like me you must not know who I am
What a fucking waste of an outfit
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
