this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
