Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
White coat. Heels.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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