My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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