so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
