My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
