there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
