no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize