Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Drake has all the answers
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
