R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
