U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
