im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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