This is not my ceiling
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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