Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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