yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
