just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Your penis caused this!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
