I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
where are you?
Hypothermia
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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