you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
