i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
